1.Does this relationship make me better, or make me worse?

Does your partner encourage you to improve yourself, or does it scare you of your achievements and taking yourself one step further?

2.Can we really accept each other as we really are?

There are several aspects that everyone wants to change in people in their life. But no one wants to live in a situation where its authenticity is not allowed, and its unique features are not accepted.

3.Who am I?

If you are not sure of your own personality, how can you be sure that your partner is the right choice?

4.Am I happy to be in this relationship?

The idea of ​​sharing life with someone doesn’t mean finding someone who completes or makes you happy. But you have to admit that happiness at home is reflected in other areas of your life. If you are constantly fighting or if your togetherness doesn’t go very well in general, this does not indicate that you should leave immediately (you can try to see a therapist). But marrying a person, hoping that he will change, is a pretty bad idea.

5.Do I feel trapped?

Are you happy to be in this relationship in general or are you looking for a place to run from time to time? Are you continuing it because you spend a lot of time in your relationship or because you are connected to your partner?

6.Am I doing something to block our relationship?

Maybe you need to be more careful or thoughtful, or be more successful in not leaving the negative things behind you. Perhaps you should be the one to come up with the idea of ​​starting a couple therapy. Regardless of the subject, try going a step further.

7.Is our relationship balanced?

Considering the compromises given, the sacrifices made with interest and support, are you both equal? Or is a party always compromising more?

8.Are we having fun together?

Have you ever watched couples sitting opposite each other and eating without talking? Yeah, it’s not fun.

9.Are we having fun when we are alone?

We should not be from couples who travel together like conjoined twins and do not have fun on their own.

10. Why am I in this relationship?

Are you in this relationship because you love your partner, trust and respect or value it, or because you are afraid of being alone, think that you will have money shortage or you want to leave a life behind you?

11. Where does this relationship go?

It is a great feeling to live in the moment, we all agree. But eventually your relationship will need a plan or one of the couples will get tense.

12. Do I really trust my partner?

Some people’s answer to this question can be devastating. If you are one of them, it may be time to think about how to build trust or repair what exists. If there is no trust between you, your relationship will not have a chance.

13. Am I with a good person?

If you knew what you know about your partner from the beginning and were just friends, would you vouch for him on behalf of someone else?

14. Does my partner appeal to me?

Physical attraction may not be the most important factor in a relationship, but you cannot force yourself to be with someone who is not attractive to you just because you are comfortable or everything is very good on paper.

15. Do I feel like a partner or a parent?

While it is a great feeling to show interest and love to someone you love, the moment you start feeling like you are raising a child, there is something wrong.

16. My darling is backing me?

Do you feel like a couple who always supports each other, backs up and looks after you, or does your partner always let you down and act like you are in a different team?

17. Are we on the same road?

Some couples avoid talking about serious matters such as marriage, religion, having a baby, they think that these issues will be solved by themselves. But as time goes on, they realize that this is not the case, and one side (and sometimes both sides) finds themselves trapped.

18. Are we growing together?

We all have the right to grow and develop and to establish a separate life. So, do you and your partner still share the same passions as they grow as individuals?

19. Am I still the same?

Falling in love doesn’t mean giving him the opportunity to change us as he wants. This is valid for all aspects of your personality.

20. What does the voice in me say?

Remember that when you say “I was born”, you are generally right. Listen to yourself.

1.Providing peaceful solutions to discussions

It is impossible to avoid controversy and small quarrels, no matter how perfect your relationship. Couples with strong relationships also argue, but they also make it easier to deal with problems, as they focus on constructive and negotiating solutions.

2.Spending quality time

Life can be very complicated sometimes. Your career, hobbies, friends and even children can make your already busy life more difficult. But the secret of happy couples is that they strive to spare time and spare time for each other. They are doing their best to spend quality time together.

3.To support mutual development and change

In happy relationships, both sides are eager to see each other develop. They want to make sure that their partners have never missed an opportunity to improve themselves and advance in life.

4.Being honest

Happy couples trust each other and do not want to do anything to jeopardize it. They live honestly and expect their partners to be fair and reliable.

5.Be loyal

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean spending every minute together. In times not to be together, loyalty should be a must, not an option.

6.Respecting the other person as a human

Remembering that you are a bloody living person with hopes and feelings like you is an important part of the relationship. You may not always think that your partner’s tastes are important, but it is very important that you respect him as an individual.

7.Supporting each other in difficult times

In order to always be with your lover in “good day and bad day”, you don’t necessarily have to have a vow of marriage. This rule should be applied to all sound-based relationships.

8.Remembering that all relationships are different

Every relationship is different. If you have had more than one relationship throughout your life, you know that they are all a little different than the other. Therefore, it is very important to bear in mind that you cannot apply the rules and objectives that were valid in your previous relationship to your current relationship.

9.Paying attention to listening

Sometimes it’s hard to get people to listen to you. Smartphones, computers, games and many other factors blind our ability to listen to our attention by giving our full attention. So make a conscious effort to listen to your partner and give yourself a full conversation.

10. Being thoughtful

It has become almost a habit to forget everything and lose ourselves in the flow of time during the period we live in. Behave thoughtfully, such as buying flowers on the way home or surprise your partner with a gift they want. Keep your relationship alive and engaging.

11. Transforming the bad into the good

While it is a little difficult to do, happy couples try to turn bad times into good results by turning the disagreements between them in their favor.

12. Entering realistic expectations about your partner

Or best of all, not to expect any

Tracy Goodwin, life coach and interpersonal communication expert, said: “What defines and determines a close relationship is the breadth and depth of what you share. Are you discussing deeper issues? Do you share your deeper feelings? He adds that when intimacy is established, more risks are taken. “When we establish close relationships, we begin to deal with the deeper levels of trust. This is one of the reasons why people avoid intimacy. They don’t want their hearts to be broken. ”

This fear is the biggest reason for people to escape from intimacy and intimacy. But it is not impossible, although difficult to beat. Ultimately, the benefits of real intimacy are huge; sex is better, it is easier to resolve disputes, and daily life is more warm and enjoyable. So what should be done to reach this situation?

1.Look into each other’s eyes: The author of the “Modern Love” corner of the New York Times tells how the intimacy exercise developed by psychologist Arthur Aron helped him at his first date. Initially, there are 36 questions that should be answered by both parties and are getting more and more detailed. Later, the couples silently gaze into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. Columnist Mandy Len Catron explains this experience as follows: “I have skied on the steepest tracks and jumped from dangerous rocks, but the scariest and thrilling experience I have had in my life was to look into someone’s eyes without talking. I spent the first few minutes trying to breathe properly. There were plenty of tense laughter until we got used to the situation. The eyes say things like the mirror of the heart or her, but the main point there was not that I really saw someone, I saw someone really see me. After accepting the fear created by this awareness and giving some time to calm down, I came to an unexpected place. I felt bold and curious. ” The writer says that the exercise works and states that he finally married the person who did this exercise. If you have a relationship, this exercise seems worth trying. Maybe it might work for you too.

2.Stop creating events: If you’re constantly fighting and “leaving to make peace”, think about why you did it. Looking for tension? Or are the fluctuating feelings a substitute for something else? Lynn Newman, creator of several personal discovery games, says, “Some couples create a separation by fighting and making peace again and again. This gives them a romantic trance, a chance to create drama and avoid real intimacy. ”

3.Take your appointment seriously: Proximity makes many people lazy, and getting monotony at such times is not even a job. Relations and communication require some effort, and when you meet your lover, this includes talking about deeper topics than what you eat at dinner. We can give the weekly meeting night as an example to this topic. Rachel Krantz, editor of Bustle magazine, says: “By changing the night you meet every week and taking your partner out, you can find the chance to share what you find fun. You don’t have to find cool things. What matters to me is that the person in front of me has been thinking about where to take me or what to share with me. ”

4.Listen: Listening to any relationship you may hear is one of listening, so it is always important. Sexual counselor Dr. Fran Fisher says that he has heard the sentence “he does not listen to me” countless times and adds: “Unfortunately, once the communication has started to deteriorate, whatever the other person says to you sounds like an annoying buzz like white noise or even worse.” If you ignore the other person, you have established a real barrier between you.

5.Hug: Sometimes things get so bad that you may need to leave the conversation aside and go to more basic ways of connecting. Hugging your partner with your whole body for a minute or two is one of the best ways to start rebuilding the closeness between you. Fisher says, “I have witnessed considerable changes in the relationships that make this exercise. Both sides like to touch and enjoy the warmth of intimacy with no hidden purpose. ”

6.Put aside the expectations: One of the biggest obstacles to proximity is different expectations. People want things to be as they dream; when these requests are incompatible with the facts, they see this as a failure. But take a good look at what you have with the person you are with. Is something really missing or just different than you expected? If the answer is the second, claim your emotions again, take a look at what’s really happening between you and the person you love, and then decide whether the truth is really a problem. Are there a few things you should have seriously to be happy with? Find them carefully and thoughtfully and tell your partner. Then put aside your remaining expectations about what your relationship should look like and enjoy whatever you have.

Did you know that the definition of deceptive behavior has gradually relaxed over the past 40 years, while the deception rate in US marriages has not increased in the past 20 years? The annual report of the National Marriage Project, run by the University of Virginia, “The Status of Our Relations: Marriage in America 2009” contains a few tips for more information and a happy marriage. We have compiled the most important points of the report for you.

1.Marriage is an economic partnership as well as an emotional partnership.

The economic crisis in 2009 helped families strengthen their ties. Moving towards simple lifestyles such as austerity and eating at home together brought families together in financial matters and increased communication and quality time.

2.Reverse traditional financial responsibilities.

In general, women make their daily and household shopping decisions; men tend to make decisions about long-term investments. Virginia T. professor Richard T. Wilcox proposes to reverse these responsibilities. It is seen that women generally love shopping more and therefore spend more money, resulting in both a practical and emotional result. Typically, when men shop for the home, they spend money more disciplined. But when it comes to investment, they are more likely to trust themselves and take risks. Women, on the other hand, will seek outside professional help to get more information and will eventually be more cautious when making financial decisions.

3.Asking for a lot of “things” does not create a happy relationship.

The first step for a harmonious relationship is to be both an opinion on family budget. But if you still believe that materialistic feelings like having a car, a house or a gold-plated toilet will make you feel better, you’re undermining the satisfaction that your loved one can give you.

4.Define your role yourself.

The idea of ​​’the mast of the house’ or ‘the man who brought bread to the house’ has long since filled its maturity. Today, with the great unemployment of men and more women continuing to work after birth, it’s time to change our ideas about success and contribution to a good relationship. Those who care about everything can be men, and those who bring home bread can be women, and these can change over the years. Now that you can choose the contribution that the other person will make, why not determine them yourself when all of them are valuable?

Living together in communication, making sacrifices and spending time together increases your contribution to your marriage. Fortunately, the economy also helps us turn these practices into action.

‘Cicim moons’, where every relationship has just begun, are smooth times when people begin to get to know each other and therefore do not fully reveal their true character. None of us start to ignore a relationship, ignore it or leave it on our own. But over time, relationships can also change shape and couples may have negative thoughts about each other.

Depending on the size of negative thoughts, the blows that hurt him in a relationship can hit it and destroy it. In his article on Psychology Today , American expert psychologist and relationship expert Jeffrey Bernstein revealed the most common negative thoughts in relationships. Here is a list of the 9 most basic negative thoughts among couples:

1. All-or-nothing trap: You see your partner as someone who always does something wrong or never does the right thing. (“He has to be always right!”)
2. Conclusion with disaster: It is an exaggeration of one partner’s negative actions and events related to the other. (“He chose that hotel for our holiday. Now we’re definitely going to a bad hotel!)
3. Obligation bombardment: One partner assumes that the other will meet his needs, because your partner must know one or more of these needs. (“Even if I tell people that my job is a great opportunity, my wife should know how much I hate my job and act accordingly.”)
4. Labeling: Unfairly and negatively, you label your partner and lose his positive qualities. (“You’re too lazy!”)
5. Blame game: It is the case of accusing your spouse about unfair and irrelevant relationship or larger matters. (“My life sucks only because of you!”)
6. Short circuit of emotions: Convince yourself that your partner’s emotions are unmanageable. (“It is impossible to comprehend what my wife will do!”)
7. Extremely reactive imagination: In this case, you will get unfavorable negative results about your partner. (“He’s been very busy lately, he’s got a definite relationship.”)
8. Suspicious approach: You mistakenly make assumptions about what your spouse is doing to make him more sneaky than he is.
9. Do not be disappointed: It is the situation where you compare your partner with people who are in the past and idealize your expectations. (“The only thing my wife cares about is that she doesn’t care about my needs like any other.”)

Happy, satisfied couples, who do not have poisonous thoughts about each other, have a better, more realistic and healthy mindset. This provides couples with ways to improve communication, solve problems and improve romance. You can keep or build this real foundation for a happy relationship, this hard secret for your success in just one place, in your own mind. So if you have positive thoughts about your partner, should you share them with him? Psychologist Bernstein says that sharing it on this subject can bring positive results.

Sharing can be enlightening

Sharing your negative thoughts about your partner with him can be enlightening for you and your partner from time to time. Being so open to him can bring you closer together. By sharing your negative thoughts, you and your partner can understand you better. Taking this emotional risk creates intimacy among you.

Be careful when sharing!

A warning to keep in mind: While sharing these thoughts with your spouse, it is necessary to proceed with precision. Highlight that you want to be closer as a couple. Express that you do this to build trust between you and deepen your love. Explain to your spouse that it is important for your emotional health to see it more positively.

Start with positive qualities

When explaining your negative thoughts to your partner, first start by talking about positive qualities about your partner. Rather than a sentence like “You are a good man, but I really get angry with you,” express your feelings in a way that will break him less and not behave reactively. Be clear and ask your partner for a “green light” to discuss your positive thoughts.

Do the best for you.

Others prefer to solve their negative thoughts within themselves. Do the best for you. The aim is not to constantly tell every thought to your partner. If you are sensitive to him, your partner will agree that what you say is an effort to really better understand each other and deepen his love.