Should you share your negative thoughts with your partner?
‘Cicim moons’, where every relationship has just begun, are smooth times when people begin to get to know each other and therefore do not fully reveal their true character. None of us start to ignore a relationship, ignore it or leave it on our own. But over time, relationships can also change shape and couples may have negative thoughts about each other.
Depending on the size of negative thoughts, the blows that hurt him in a relationship can hit it and destroy it. In his article on Psychology Today , American expert psychologist and relationship expert Jeffrey Bernstein revealed the most common negative thoughts in relationships. Here is a list of the 9 most basic negative thoughts among couples:
- All-or-nothing trap: You see your partner as someone who always does something wrong or never does the right thing. (“He has to be always right!”)
- Conclusion with disaster: It is an exaggeration of one partner’s negative actions and events related to the other. (“He chose that hotel for our holiday. Now we’re definitely going to a bad hotel!)
- Obligation bombardment: One partner assumes that the other will meet his needs, because your partner must know one or more of these needs. (“Even if I tell people that my job is a great opportunity, my wife should know how much I hate my job and act accordingly.”)
- Labeling: Unfairly and negatively, you label your partner and lose his positive qualities. (“You’re too lazy!”)
- Blame game: It is the case of accusing your spouse about unfair and irrelevant relationship or larger matters. (“My life sucks only because of you!”)
- Short circuit of emotions: Convince yourself that your partner’s emotions are unmanageable. (“It is impossible to comprehend what my wife will do!”)
- Extremely reactive imagination: In this case, you will get unfavorable negative results about your partner. (“He’s been very busy lately, he’s got a definite relationship.”)
- Suspicious approach: You mistakenly make assumptions about what your spouse is doing to make him more sneaky than he is.
- Do not be disappointed: It is the situation where you compare your partner with people who are in the past and idealize your expectations. (“The only thing my wife cares about is that she doesn’t care about my needs like any other.”)
Happy, satisfied couples, who do not have poisonous thoughts about each other, have a better, more realistic and healthy mindset. This provides couples with ways to improve communication, solve problems and improve romance. You can keep or build this real foundation for a happy relationship, this hard secret for your success in just one place, in your own mind. So if you have positive thoughts about your partner, should you share them with him? Psychologist Bernstein says that sharing it on this subject can bring positive results.
Sharing can be enlightening
Sharing your negative thoughts about your partner with him can be enlightening for you and your partner from time to time. Being so open to him can bring you closer together. By sharing your negative thoughts, you and your partner can understand you better. Taking this emotional risk creates intimacy among you.
Be careful when sharing!
A warning to keep in mind: While sharing these thoughts with your spouse, it is necessary to proceed with precision. Highlight that you want to be closer as a couple. Express that you do this to build trust between you and deepen your love. Explain to your spouse that it is important for your emotional health to see it more positively.
Start with positive qualities
When explaining your negative thoughts to your partner, first start by talking about positive qualities about your partner. Rather than a sentence like “You are a good man, but I really get angry with you,” express your feelings in a way that will break him less and not behave reactively. Be clear and ask your partner for a “green light” to discuss your positive thoughts.
Do the best for you.
Others prefer to solve their negative thoughts within themselves. Do the best for you. The aim is not to constantly tell every thought to your partner. If you are sensitive to him, your partner will agree that what you say is an effort to really better understand each other and deepen his love.